St. John's University's officially unofficial news source
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News Brief: Editor to graduate, thanks readers for all the laughs, or at least, like, smiles
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News Brief: Ghost of Cecilia Chang and Ghost of Steve Lavin’s Prostate Tumor visit grumpy student to remind him of Christmas Spirit
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News Brief: Sophomore has to have testicle removed after mistiming library turnstile
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News Brief: Overhead projectors, frustrated over not being used in decades, become self aware and carry out vengeance on classroom computers
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News Brief: Head writer’s chances of getting a job at ‘The Onion’ after graduation are slim to none, according to his mother
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News Brief: University poisons campus water supply; only antidote is to complete course evaluations
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News Brief: Staff unable to determine why they’re only able to come up with hilarious headlines this year and not hilarious stories
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News Brief: Guy who always brushes teeth in DAC bathroom is physically incapable of waking up 2 minutes earlier to do it at home
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News Brief: Investigation reveals that department responsible for climate control in classrooms is literally a group of fucking apes
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News Brief: Friday, December 7 and Saturday, December 8 will be on a ‘Fuck it’ schedule
